trust

i used to lay a very low profile.

it used to be a rare occurence when people actually knew who I was.

life used to be so carefree,

life used to be so beautiful. problem-less.

with friends whom i could trust, and i was a very happy girl who was happy with her life.

suddenly, i blossomed into this girl whom i never thought i would be.

suddenly people actually knew me.

people actually knew who i am

they even knew who my parents were,

and the goings-on in my life.

i was happy for awhile.

i thought, i've finally broken out of the shell i used to put around myself.

i was proud, my social circle was growing.

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i used to be the kind of person whom you could just push around.

you tell me what to do, and i would do it.

as i grew into my adolescence

i changed. drastically.

mates from primary school came up to me and said "oh my god! you've changed sooo much"

i was so used to getting top in class.

everything was handed to me in a silver platter

the number of competitions i competed in, that's the number of wins i had.

teachers loved me.

i even scored 100% for every test during standard 6.

but what has become of that girl i once knew?

she blossomed into an adolescent

she started to be defiant.

she knew how to stand up for her own rights

she knew not to be pushed around

she knew how to say no.

she was strong, determined, and was driven by willpower.

friends came, and they went

they left footprints in her heart.

sometimes they even made her heart bleed, but she was not weakened.

her heart was strong

her mind was strong

she knew she could be anything she wanted to be , as long as her heart was put into it.

but it was not for long

as the saying goes, "all good things come to an end"

she started indulging in bad habits.

she even smoked a few times,

and did other things that normal rebellious teenagers do.

but don't get me wrong, that girl is still a virgin of course.

that girl, once so strong, so determined

is now going downhill, tumbling into the darkness, the nothingness

she does not know what she's living for,

she doesn't know how to place her priorities well.

she hides her emotions

she sheds tears, alone in the middle of the night

and puts on a happy and bright face during the day.

no one knew, that deep inside her, she is insecure.

this time,

her friends come. they bring with them their problems, and she helps to solve them

she shares her thoughts, her happiness with them

she trusts them with her innermost secrets

the deep, dark skeletons in her closet.

she trusted them, she was like a fool.

little did she know

some of them had been spreading rumours about her.

her deepest secrets

are now not so deep anymore

coz everyone knows.

one night, as she was sorting out her life

as she was picking up the pieces

and was starting to get back on track,

keep a hold on her life.

she was happy for once, free from love and emotional heartbreaks.

that night,

everything spilled out.

and the girl sits with her head down, in the corner of her room
tears rolling down
thinking, "just who can i trust now?"

friends come, and they go.
they used to have no effect on her.
as for now,
its killing her, its breaking her like she has never been broken before.

they have lied to her
and she foolishly trusted them, trusted their every word.

she does not know what to do, or who to trust

what's happening to this world?

emotions are going crazy in her head

as she sits at the corner of her bed,
she thinks.
and she wonders.

every day goes past, the hustle and bustle of life.
everyone's busy
nobody seems to have time for her
she's losing her focus

this girl, is crying out loud deep inside her heart, every single day.